Next Gridlords

Jesse Moynihan, interview by Suzette Smith



Jesse Moynihan: Ok! When?

I should write some questions. It has been suggested that it be DEEPLY PERSONAL.

Or we could have a convo and you could record it.

It has to be before the Gridlords.

Deeply personal interview is cool. All I want to do is talk about girls anyway

YES! That’s what I said you’d say but then I said that I was joking right after.

I can talk about comics. It’s okay. Sometimes I just feel like an idiot trying to talk about comics and ideas. It really depends. Sometimes I can be articulate. Other times I can sound like I have imaginary words coming out of my mouth.

Are you one of those people that hates puking?

Yes. So much

Can I put that response in the interview? That’s a great opening question.

Yeah, I can talk about ayahuasca and puking

What is that ayahuasca thing?

 It’s a plant that makes you trip balls and puke.


 Shamans are into it.

But there are so many things that make you trip balls and not puke.

Yeah, but I wanted to get into the real shit. Beat myself up, etc…

So do you think tripping balls is different with different substances?

I don’t know. I had done a lot of reading about it beforehand. And there were a lot of common threads between people’s experiences. It’s supposed to be a healing experience with ayahuasca.

How did it go? Did you beat yourself up?

I got crazy fucked up by it and thought my head was on fire for two years. I still get emotional flashbacks occasionally.

Did you just feel like your head was on fire for a long time but it was really a short time? Like you perceived time to be two years but it was really 20 minutes?

No. For real. For two years.

How did you live thinking your head was on fire?

I was stuck in this traumatic loop. It wasn’t painful, more like a spiritual fire or something but I thought I was losing my mind, and I pretty much hid it from everyone.

Wow, when was that?

That was like 6 years ago?

So your head has since stopped being on fire?

Yeah. I don’t have that anymore unless I’m lying in bed at night and start thinking about how big the universe is.I think it’s tied in with my ego and attachment to worldly success or something.

How did it stop being on fire. Was it gradual?

Yeah, it was gradual and I saw a therapist who had taken ayahuasca. I also did some reading that helped me feel less panicked about it. Oh yeah, I also talked to Deepak Chopra who gave me some good advice.

Who’s that?

Oh. he’s like a new age guru type. I actually don’t know much about him except he’s friends with Mike Myers.

How did you meet him?

I met him on VYOU. He was answering questions on the internet so I explained my situation and he gave me some really good advice.

What was that advice? Unless it has something to do with your social security number in which case I understand you may not want to divulge.

Basically that I didn’t have to take ayahuasca again to fix myself. That I could do it through mindfulness and not being afraid of the sensation.

Did it not go away but now you’re not afraid of it anymore? Is your head is still on fire?

No, it went away. I don’t have that sensation anymore.

I don’t know whether to be happy for you or not but I’m glad your functioning is easier.

Yeah, for a while there I thought I was having some kind of spiritual breakthrough.

I mean, you’re still churning out crazy cool shit so it’s not like your third eye’s closed or anything.

I though I was going to blast off into space

What else were you doing during that time? School?

No, I was working and drawing comics. When I say “two years,” what I mean is: that was when it was most intense. Every night I was having panic attacks. Then it sort of tapered off, but stayed with me until some time around last year.

Oh, well, that’s good.

Yeah. I don’t know what to make of it exactly. Some of it has to do with fear and some with depression, I think.

I’m drafting up this ayahuasca story as the interview. I’ll send it to you so you can look it over.

Haha. Ok.

I think people will be stoked on it.

OK,sounds good.

Last night I heard some woman do a reading about wisdom she’d learned from street people and she literally said “heroin addicts, they’re so sweet.”


I wonder if I’ve misjudged heroin addicts. I’m way into being wrong about shit that has to do with understanding.


It’s hard to get perspective unless I tell people my narrow little worldview and usually I am trying to keep that on the DL. (Interviewer Note: DL is an abbreviation for “down low.” This is a term created for and used by rappers to describe using discretion.)

Yeah I try my best to keep my opinions on the DL too.

Did you want me to put anything about girls in the interview? For your fans? Are any characters in forming based on real life girls?

 Did we talk about girls? Yeah, Noah is based on my ex-girlfriend

 !!! So that makes you Starface?

Gaia is based on me, yeah.

YES! That rules!

Funny, right?

Noah reminds me of one of my ex-boyfriends.

I told her that too, after I hadn’t talked to her in a long time. His character isn’t based on her but his desire for self discovery and need to strike off on his own is. Then the whole thing with Gaia lying on the floor and being fucked up is totally me. I thought it would be funny to play it out in a gender reversal.

Yeah, I have so much to do but I just want to lie on the floor.

It feels good. Where’s the interview gonna go?

I think they’re making a website for Gridlords.

Oh, ok cool.